The Big Belly Burger Bandit Blonde Babe Beauty
by BlameItOnTheLoveOfRockAndRoll
Summary: [AU/AH with ensemble cast] After suffering through many ordeals in one day and almost dying in the process, Oliver decides that enough is enough. He is going to track down the person that almost tried to kill him. By using interesting methods and uncooperative people with hilarious results.


**_Wow, it has been 3.5 years since I have posted either a new story or an update. Life flies by too fast, but enjoy it because you only have one. This story, in particular this chapter, came about early 2015 and this chapter was already completed and ready to be posted. The day I saved and finished this chapter also happened to be the worst day of my life. Since then, this story had been shelved while I tried to get back on my feet. I started to dabble on the story here and then, but I just couldn't at the same time. Fanfiction has been a huge part of my life when growing up and whether I was going through good or bad times, it was always there and helped me become the person I am today. It is from this that I am posting my long awaited new story._**

 ** _I dedicate this story to my dad; the man who refused to teach me how to drive a car, forgot to pick me up from school but was always 30 minutes early to pick me up from work, avoided me like the plague whenever I ate seafood but always bought me ice cream, who loved me just as much as I love him. He briefly knew that I posted stories online, and I know that he would want me to continue because reading and writing stories made me happy. Get drunk for me up above dad._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with the Arrow franchise whatsoever. If I did, my breakfast, lunch and dinner would consist of doughnuts, ice cream and nuggets. In that order, for life._**

* * *

 **August 17** **th** **, 2015**

 **0923 hours**

Not even half-an-hour in, Oliver Queen feels like taking a lunch break. He even considers breaking his no-consuming-soft-drinks-until-after-midday rule just to appease his sudden craving. It isn't until twelve seconds later that he remembers _the incident_ and because of said incident, the reason why he implemented the no-consuming-soft-drinks-until-after-midday rule in the first place.

So he walks to the water cooler located near the window of his office with that breathtaking view and drinks three cups of water. That should please his rumbling stomach until lunchtime.

* * *

 **0937 hours**

Well that didn't do shit.

The water may have satisfied his stomach for a while but it triggered a new sensation.

The sensation to pee.

Putting his hands on his face while groaning at both kinds of pain, Oliver thinks- no, he knows, that if his stomach doesn't kill him before lunch time, his bladder definitely will.

Such dilemmas for a CEO.

* * *

 **0944 hours**

After temporarily relieving himself (not in that way you sick pervert) with his second situation, Oliver is still stuck with his first situation. Which is why his face is practically kissing the glass of the vending machine, looking at all the chocolate bars and candies with envy. From Twizzlers to Hershey's (oh my god, since when did the company add Tim-tams and why was he not notified of this?), Oliver finally understands why people want to just die happy when they see any kind of beauty.

This beautiful sight of all these confectionary sweets taunting him is a dark paradise indeed. It was a damn shame that the stupid glass was the barrier standing between him and heaven. If he wanted to, he could break the glass with no problems except for the cuts that would occur as a result but he could deal with that later.

Besides, if there was one piece of valuable information that he remembered from his past it was the advice of his childhood cook May – "if you're hungry, eat and eat what you can."

(Although this advice was always followed by, "you touch that [insert food] one more time Oliver Queen and I will make you drink all my homemade cola." And Oliver could tell you himself that her cola was no ordinary cola. It smelled worse than dog poop and the taste, don't get him started on the taste.

It was actually one of the reasons why the no-consuming-soft-drinks-until-after-midday rule was implemented in the first place).

Realizing this for the second time, Oliver gradually makes his way back to his office with a misty look in his eye. Glancing back at the vending machine getting smaller as he walks further away, he just wants to cry. And Oliver Queen hardly cries. The last time he even had a tear come out of his eye was after watching _that_ scene in Up. Although in his defense, if you don't cry for that scene, you have no soul.

Getting rid of his train of thought, Oliver goes back to business mode. If he distracts himself with work, lunchtime would flash by with a click of his hand.

* * *

 **0948 hours**

Yeah right.

In less than five minutes, Oliver successfully completes three pages full of doodles of walking ice-cream cones and chocolate bars.

Throwing his papers across the room, Oliver bolts out of his chair and paces back and forth. He glares at the clock on his wall, inwardly yelling at the device to go faster. As if the clock reads his mind, it actually does. Internally his insides are dancing a jig while on the outside he is fighting a smile. It almost breaks on his face until he discovers thirty-seven seconds later that time seemed to have been going faster because he has been staring at the second hand instead of the minute hand on the clock.

The almost smile now turns into a snarl and he resumes his pacing, now angry stomps.

He doesn't care that whoever is below him can hear his frustrations from his footwork. He is Oliver Queen, CEO of Queen Corporated and if he wants to stomp like a mammoth, then he will do just that.

* * *

 **1011 hours**

Although the pacing kind of helped, Oliver doesn't believe it did. But he has a new plan to get him motivated.

He decides that since every time his focus on work turns to food and his focus on food turns to more thoughts on food, he might as well plan what he will eat in another two hours.

So Oliver starts his brainstorming on his whiteboard, titled 'What I Should Eat For Lunch'.

Also known as Operation: WISEFL. Alternative code name – WISE For Life.

Oliver thinks this is one of the many reasons why he is CEO in the first place.

He underlines the heading for emphasis, hoping everyone in the room understands the important part of this brainstorm. Despite the fact that he is the only one present in the room. If you question him about that fact, he will tell you that there are more people present in the room; his mind, body, soul and stomach. In this particular case, his body and stomach are two separate entities. To be fair on Mr. Queen however, this is probably the lack of food speaking on behalf for him.

Immediately after writing the title, he adds the name of an all-you-can-eat place and underneath in smaller points, he writes food options from lobster to the three tier chocolate cake.

At this point, he would eat a whole horse if he wanted to. That was how much he was starving.

Oliver had just finished adding the hot dog challenge to his brainstorm when his personal phone started to ring. Annoyed with this intrusion, without looking at the caller he barks into the phone, "What!?"

He knows it's not his secretary on the other side of the line when the person responds with, _"Calm your manboobs Ollie. Who pissed in your cereal this morning?"_

Rolling his eyes at the remark while internally remembering to add cereal to his list, he ignores the question and replies with, "What do you want Sara? I'm currently in a very important business meeting."

If you call brainstorming what to eat for lunch a business meeting, then it was a damn important business meeting for sure.

" _I thought that if you had a business meeting in general, you wouldn't carry your personal phone with you,"_ Sara retorts back.

Oliver's eyes widen for a moment. Shit she was right, that was one of his rules he had made up for himself whenever he was at work. And he blew that up, great job Queen. You had one job and you didn't even do it right.

Quickly as it came, he recovers and lies smoothly back, "Thea called me a while ago about something important and she never told me what time she would call prior."

The lie is foolproof if he did say so himself until Sara says right after, _"What a load of crap. I went for a run with Thea in the morning and we just walked our separate ways less than five minutes ago. And she has not called anyone for the duration of our catch-up"._

Damnit Thea! Breathing in and out a few times, Oliver attempts to voice another Queen lie. "She called me after your catch-up."

Sara's response to that is a wholehearted laugh following with; _"There is no way she called you after our catch-up. Otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me. For a CEO of a big shot company, you really are a bad liar."_

"What do you want?" Oliver shouts, pissed off with the turn of events.

" _I called to ask you if you wanted to meet up for lunch,"_ Sara says.

Oliver's immediate response, "No."

He could feel her pout from the other side of the line. _"Why not?"_

"Because I have plans at lunch," he explains. Plans to eat the entire Dunkin' Donuts place two blocks away clean.

" _I know you don't have plans at lunch. I called your secretary when Thea and I went for a coffee break after our run to ask if your schedule was clear."_

Goddamnit why was he friends with this persisting person?

"First you catch-up with my sister in the morning and now you want to hang out with me for lunch. Are you planning on taking my mother out to dinner as well?" Oliver retorts.

" _Well I did call Moira before and I told her I'll pick her up at eight o'clock and she has to wear the red dress that makes her eyes pop."_

Seriously, why did he know this girl?

"I really didn't need to picture that in my head."

" _You asked for it."_

"Did not!"

" _Stop delaying the matter. Are we meeting up or what?"_

Pinching his nose and closing his eyes, Oliver sighs deeply. "If I say yes, will you shut up and stop pestering me about my lies?"

" _So you admit that you lied a few times?"_

He opens his eyes and glares at a spot on the floor picturing Sara standing there. "What did I just say about you shutting up?"

" _So one o'clock at Big Belly? I haven't had a Big Belly Burger in a while and we haven't been back there just the two of us in such a long time."_

At least she had the decency to not question him further. But all Oliver could process was two things.

One – Big Belly Burger? Why didn't he think of that? That should've been numero uno on his list. Forget Dunkin' Donuts, he would lick every surface of Big Belly dry.

Two – One o'clock? Was she trying to torture him or something? Why was everyone against him today?

Before Oliver could give Sara a piece of his mind as to why she would pick a ludicrously late time to set for lunch, she interrupts him. _"Too bad, that's the time. We'll meet at the place where cola snorted out of Tommy's nose. See you soon Ollie and don't work too hard!"_

After hearing the click at her end, Oliver carelessly tosses his phone on his work desk. Sure he now knows what to eat (even if he didn't decide it himself) but he has to deal with waiting longer until he eats.

Glancing at the clock to check if two hours has passed only to see it has only been four minutes longer, Oliver groans loudly.

Operation WISE For Life? More like WISE Fuck Life.

* * *

 **1140 hours**

The good news – roughly ninety minutes has passed.

The bad news – another ninety minutes more to go.

Knowing Sara (and practically any woman that remains a constant in Oliver's life), one o'clock to her is twenty minutes later.

Oliver regrets the lunch date already. He would have already started making his way to lunch if it wasn't for Sara and her insisting ways. He didn't know who was worse between the Lance sisters – her or Laurel.

A knock and opening on the door reveals his secretary. "I know there is twenty minutes left until noon but I was wondering if I could start my lunch break early?"

Internally, his mind was shouting that if he couldn't eat until one o'clock then she wasn't allowed to eat in one minute. But his secretary actually did her job accordingly and she never complained when he set her tasks to do so letting her start her lunch early wouldn't hurt. Would it?

He smiles politely and tells her, "That is fine with me. Have a good lunch."

"Thank you, you too sir," and with that she closes the door.

Oh he will have a fantastic lunch. Too bad he has to wait more than an hour for it.

And then it hit him – he is the bloody CEO of Queen Corporated. He can have a quick bite of something before going to Big Belly Burger for his lunch outing with Sara. He deserves it after all; he just suffered through two hours of pure agony. If she were still alive, May would have been so proud. What the hell, he is going to start his lunch now. Since the Big Belly place that Sara suggested was a ways away, it would take a while to get there until he arrived. And hopefully by the time he arrived it would be one o'clock and Sara present or not, he would start on his food binge.

Grabbing his coat jacket, opening and closing the door of his office and informing his secretary's assistant that he would be going on a long lunch break before stepping into the elevator, the only thought plaguing his mind was if he should add fries with his Big Belly Burger.

* * *

 **1141 hours**

It takes Oliver less than a nanosecond that yes; he will have the largest size of fries with his Big Belly Burger.

It comes with the Big Belly Burger XXL Value Meal after all.

* * *

 **1145 hours**

Oliver walks out of the elevator and back to his office with a frustrated expression while a business associate follows him and continues to yammer on about how this deal will benefit both companies financially. He was all up for hearing people's possible business plans and ventures but not when his stomach is being neglected. He was so deprived of food and excited to leave for lunch early that he completely forgot that he had a meeting scheduled with this businessman at this time, and this associate alone is taking seven years just to talk about god knows what.

Why is the world punishing him today of all days? Fate just wanted him to suffer a little more longer when the elevator reached the ground floor and just as Oliver was about to step out of the lift, the businessman pushed him back inside to tell him how terribly sorry he was that he was late for their scheduled business meeting but his plans to expand blah blah blah; the CEO stopped listening after that.

And now back to the present.

All Oliver wants to do is poke pins in his eyeballs.

And eat of course, his stomach vehemently agrees on this statement as it rumbles.

Forget his stomach, this businessman is definitely going to kill him.

* * *

 **1253 hours**

About fucking time, Oliver's mind and stomach screams internally as he vigorously shakes the businessman's hand while ushering both of themselves out the door and into the elevator. While the associate is still talking, Oliver zones him out to consider his options, every once in a while shaking his head in politeness. Should he add extra bacon or an extra patty? Fuck it, add both. He'll burn it off when he goes to the gym later on tonight.

He knows from experience Sara will not arrive before one o'clock but my god, he needs food and he needs it now. When he was in his office ignoring the associate currently next to him, Oliver noticed how the traffic had built up and not much movement was occurring down below. Well there went the idea of taking a ride to Big Belly. His only other option was to walk it.

Walk the ten blocks to Big Belly.

In 37°C weather.

Oh the things he does for Sara bloody Lance.

DING! and forgetting to say goodbye, Oliver runs for his life away from the associate and towards the greasy fast-food chain summoning him ten blocks away. His run turns into a quick walk, blending in with the rest of society trying to bustle from one place to another. Soon enough, ten blocks turns into nine, followed by eight, then seven and eventually; he successfully reaches the ten blocks from Queen Corporated. Oliver has no time to stop to take a breather; he can do that when he breathes the Big Belly Burger down his throat.

Speaking of which… where was the Big Belly restaurant?

* * *

 **1315 hours**

After researching on his phone, Oliver discovers that the Big Belly restaurant where cola snorted out of Tommy's nose is indeed ten blocks away from Queen Corporated.

Unfortunately for him, he walked in the opposite direction and is now twenty blocks away from the chosen lunch location.

Oliver isn't a religious man but looking up at the sky, he couldn't help but think that if this were a test to gain him entry to heaven when he dies, he'd rather choose hell thank you very much.

At least the place has eternal central heating.

* * *

 **1359 hours**

" _Ollie, where are you?"_ Sara shouts on the other side of the line before he can put the phone on his ear.

"Dying," Oliver puffs out.

While quick walking the nineteen blocks in the correct direction, he decides that he doesn't need to go to the gym after. All this walking counts as his workout and eating at Big Belly will count as his dessert.

He could visualize her roll her eyes at his comment. _"I'm being serious here."_

"So am I," he retorts back.

" _Why are you late?"_ Sara asks before stating in a hushed tone, _"I've been waiting here for almost an hour and people are giving me looks and I know they're thinking I've got stood up or something."_

Oliver snorts at her comment, stopping at the pedestrian intersection to look for the red logo of the Big Belly restaurant. "You and I both know I would never stand you up for a catch-up. Even if I did, Nyssa would barge into my home in the middle of the night, yell at me and then proceed to delete all my gaming records in Mario Kart."

He and Nyssa have an… interesting relationship. They tried (they really did) to tolerate each other for the sake of Sara and when there were moments that they would get along or agree on things, they generally tend to talk to each other by yelling and resolve their arguments and disagreements by challenging each other. From sports to playing console games, the two are quite competitive.

" _And that's one of the things I love about Nyssa,"_ Sara says in an awed tone.

"Shame, that's one of the things I hate about her," Oliver mumbles with annoyance.

Easily spotting the red logo straight ahead, he crossed the road when the pedestrian light changed to green, his stomach doing happy flips the closer he got to Big Belly. He could already taste the burger in his mouth, all that trans-fat greasiness dripping down his lips. His almost food orgasm was halted when he saw Sara sitting next to the window, her looking down to peek at the time and looking back up with her face full of worry.

Oliver has never seen anything more hilarious in his life.

Especially the part when he sees four empty glasses on her table.

Make that five; he didn't see the other one hiding behind the napkin dispenser.

He believes this is payback for all the times he had been waiting for her in places.

Setting his phone onto speaker so he can take a picture of Sara in this shambled state, Oliver doesn't see the glass door leading to the Big Belly restaurant open until he sees it on his phone just as he is about to take a picture. And by then, it is too late; the glass smacking him hard in the face that he falls backwards and lands hard on the back of his head. The blow is too much for him, Oliver can already feel a bump forming on his head (and he just got a haircut yesterday for fucks sakes) and his vision drifts between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Several things his mind seems to register, if only quickly and briefly before he blacks out completely.

Something yellow.

Something red.

Something glassy.

The smell of honey and cinnamon mixed with burger and fries grease.

Something else red.

The sound of a click.

A small object dropped on his chest.

A gasp.

A lot of red.

The shouts of "Ollie!" somewhere in the distance.

And something lodged in his throat.

Oh fuck no.

Forget his bladder, his stomach, the businessman and the heavens above; he is definitely going to die. And all because a peanut is stuck in his throat.

The food product _he_ is allergic to and the main reason as to why the no-consuming-soft-drinks-until-after-midday rule was made in the first place.

Oh such was the life of a CEO.

* * *

 ** _Sorry for the sobfest post above, was not my intention at all. First time Olicity writer, forever Olicity fan girl. No regrets whatsoever. I knew the first time Felicity first appeared in Arrow that it wouldn't be the last we saw of her. Thankfully every one else agreed. Hope you all liked the start of something that means a lot to me. Enjoy your day/night gang!_**


End file.
